THE MAILBOX?HOW (NOT) TO INSTALL ONE
In memory of my friend, Dave Single.
This is likely the story I achieved stupidity notoriety on ---bordering on a Darwin Award!
When we built our home 28 years ago, we did not yet have curbing and a paved street. The post office insisted we had to have a curb side mailbox to have our mail delivered. So, I proceeded to put one in at what would be the curb, eventually.
I took a 2x4, cut it in half, and nailed it together to make a 4x4. I then used a saw to cut the bottom four sides to a nice beveled point. Next I took a piece of 2x8 and cut it to size to fit the new mailbox, and then proceeded to fasten the 2x8 to the new 4x4 with four sixteen penny nails. Nice and sturdy!
I then started to dig a hole to put the 4x4 in. We had no curb, and no finished street. The street was still stones, but, I located where the curb would be---after all, I surveyed my own lot?and started to dig the hole.
The hole now dug, I looked everything over. All is fine, all okay!! Yup! Uh huh!! [img]smile.gif[/img]
Now you have to concentrate and picture this sequentially. I picked up the tee -shaped mailbox mount made out of the 4x4 and the 2x8. I squatted with legs apart at the freshly dug hole, lifted the wood over my head with both hands, and gave it everything I had to sink the beveled 4x4 into the ground. Wham!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Great? Na-uh!
Did I mention that this contraption was tee-shaped? ?T?? Yup, I did! Did I mention that I put a 2x8 on top of the 4x4? Yup, I did! Did I tell you that I fastened the 2x8 on to the 4x4 with four SIXTEEN penny nails? Yeah, guess I did tell you that.
Well, when I gave this contraption everything I had to sink it in the hole, the TEE -shaped part was sticking over the top of my head. As an engineer, one would think I knew this. NOT!! When I sank this, the 2x8 over the top of my head proceeded to cold-cock me and I knocked my self out! In fact, I laid my head open with a 2 inch cut!!!
I wasn?t out for very long, but when I came to, I had no idea who I was or where I was. I saw a crooked 4x4 leaning out of the hole in the ground. I used it as a support as I crawled up on all fours from the street. I looked up and down the street, both directions.
I thought, ?A car hit me! A truck hit me!? But, there were no vehicles in site. My head was starting to hurt. I looked through blurred eyes at the mailbox mount. The 2x8 was partially separated from the 4x4. In fact, I clobbered myself so good that I pulled those 4 sixteen penny nails out two inches!
It was then that my mind returned sufficiently enough that I began to realize what I did. I felt my head on the back at the top. It was bleeding. Surprise!! I thought, ?Lord, I hoped nobody saw me do that!? [img]redface.gif[/img]
I again looked up and down the street. It was at that moment that I saw my neighbor, Tom, and Tom was rolling on his lawn, apparently, I thought, having a seizure. You see, Tom had MS, and sometimes he would have mild seizures. This one though, appeared to be a real bad one.
I managed to get on my feet, I held my hand on my cut head, and I limped or lumbered somehow over to Tom.
?Tom, Tom, are you alright? Are you in pain? Are you having a seizure? Can I do anything to help you??
Tom rolled over and looked at me, tears streaming down his face, and I thought he was making guttural sounds like you might make if you were having a seizure. Tom was fine, he was simply in hysterics. He said, ?You crazy S.O.B! I can?t believe you did that!? [img]tongue.gif[/img]
Tom wasn?t having a seizure at all. He was simply enjoying my pain at my expense.
Oh well, the head cut eventually healed, I re-assembled the mailbox wood and put it in properly. I had to reinstall it when we put the curbing in?that?s right, the wife, 6 kids and me did the curbing---a whole another story?and we have been getting mail ever since.
I have finally documented this story, a sad but painfully true tale of Dopic Dick, in memory of my co worker and friend Dave Single, who passed away December 26, 2003, far, far too soon in life. This was Dave?s favorite story to tell family, friends, customers, vendors?anyone that we first met. You would have thought he was there instead of Tom.